When Being Agreeable Was How You Stayed Safe
Many people have learned how to stay safe by being agreeable.
By being easy.
By not asking for too much.
By being a “good” client, student, partner, or person.
Classic people-pleaser stuff. It runs deep!
And that pattern doesn’t just disappear in therapy.
In fact, it often shows up more clearly.
The Hidden Cost of Being Good
There’s a subtle power dynamic that can show up in the therapy room, where clients assume the therapist:
When that happens, people might start:
Saying yes when they mean no
Pushing past discomfort
Staying polite instead of honest
Performing healing “correctly”
But overriding your own signals isn’t a character flaw.
It’s often a learned survival strategy.
Especially if being "too much" once felt unsafe, or if you learned early that your needs and boundaries were negotiable.
This is a Collaborative Process
The work we do together isn’t top-down.
I don’t diagnose you and hand you a plan. (I can't, actually, it's not in my scope of practice).
I don’t tell you what’s wrong or prescribe how to fix it.
This is a collaborative process.
Your signals, impulses, preferences (and random thoughts) all matter here.
Your pace matters.
Your no matters.
And you don’t have to revisit everything that’s happened if you don’t want to.
What Body-Based Consent Looks Like
For people with trauma histories (and honestly, for most of us) consent and boundaries can feel blurry.
In somatic work, we don’t just talk about boundaries.
We practice them.
That might look like:
Learning what yes and no feels like in your body
Noticing when something doesn’t land
Saying no thanks without over-explaining
Doing experiential work to explore space, contact, distance, and choice
For many people, this is the first space where their no is taken seriously.
And every time you don’t abandon yourself...even in small moments...your sense of self strengthens.
Beyond the Therapy Room
This isn’t just about sessions.
When you practice staying in relationship with your signals here, you take that ability back into the rest of your life.
Which means:
You set clearer boundaries without needing to justify them
You feel when something is off, and can name it
You start recognizing yourself in the room... not just tracking other people’s needs
And that’s not performance. That’s repair.
For those exploring:
nervous system healing, boundaries, relational therapy, somatic consent, trauma-informed care, emotional agency, self-trust
Watch the video: You Don’t Have to Be a “Good Client”
This post is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended as therapeutic advice or treatment. Everyone’s experience is different. Please work with a qualified practitioner for individualized care.
